I Won't Let Go
by I'mNotPerfect13
Summary: This story is about Callie and Arizona. The characters belong to Shonda and the Show. PLEASE tell me if you enjoyed, so I can keep writing. I might also say that english is not my first lenguage, so I'm really sorry about it. And the first Chapter isn't the best so... just keep reading because i'm sure you'll like the others more than the first.
1. Chapter 1

**_Callie's Point Of View_**  
Why can't I take my eyes off that peds girl? I mean... I'm married, i love man. What's happening to me?! I've never felt like this before, come on. I see her everyday, everywhere I go. She's this girl, this perfect blond girl, this blue eyed girl. I can't enter the OR with her, I would eventually kill the patient. What's this? I can't talk with Mark... The gold boy of the hospital, which happens to be my best friend, he would enjoy it too much. For God's sake, I'm married..to a guy!  
I keep wandering why I'm married to him, my parents made me marry him. I dated a girl when I was a teenager, but my parents thought that that was totally wrong, so made me marry that dude. He's okay, but this girl, I have to meet her!

''I want the divorce, Alex.'' Callie said while carrying the biggest smile, which was so unfair.

''Why Callie? Why now?''

''I finally found the courage to tell you. I don't care about what my parents think or want anymore.'' Still carrying the biggest smile on her face.

''Okay than, Cal. Well, we had an open marriage, that could only mean you didn't love me.''

''Same for you, right?''

''Sure, Calls.'' Callie couldn't tell if he was telling the truth or not, but she actually didn't care, she was so desperate to end their marriage that she actually didn't care. And Callie was sure Alex had cheated her several times, when the marriage wasn't even an open one, so she wasn't actually worried about what he felt, they didn't even slept in the same bed, same room, or even same house, so what's the point? She didn't care at all.

''Great! See you later.'' She left.

As Callie was grabbing her lunch, she spotted that beautiful girl, Arizona, surrounded by other peds docs. She set far away from her, all by herself, so she could watch her, without being too obvious.

As she was watching the most beautiful girl in the hospital, which was drinking by her straw, in that sexy way she always did, Mark showed up. ''Hey gorgeous.''

''Mark! You scared the hell out of me!''

''Sorry. What's up? Why are you eating alone Torres?''

''Because I want to, Gosh, what's the big deal?''

''Are you spying on someone?''

''Of course not!''

''Because you're married. Well, to that nerdy boy, which I don't actually understand, that stupid marriage.''

''Never mind, it's ending.''

''Really?! FINALLY TORRES!''

''Hum, yeah. Get over it, Mark. Actually I have to go, there are people with jobs, you know? Who actually do what they're paid for.''

''What do you mean?''

''Nothing, of course. See you Mark'' As she left the table.

Callie left the eating room, but her mind was still there, because Arizona was there. She was so into that girl, as she's never been before. She wanted to meet her but wasn't sure how that would be. Her mind needed to think about something else because she was about to get in the OR and she had to be focused on that boy.

As Callie woke up at 8 a.m. she started to wonder what Arizona was doing in that moment. Beautiful things started to show up, like her sleeping, cooking, but than an image with Arizona waking up next to another woman invaded her head, and that made her so damn jealous. That wasn't possible for her, how could she be jealous of an imaginary person? That couldn't be happening to her. But she wasn't a person to give up and she wasn't definitely a person to hold her feelings, like she had done because of her parents. They are against lesbian love, but Callie isn't. What she was feeling for Arizona had to be love, it had to. Although Callie never felt love, she knew that had to be. A lot of questions came to her mind, because she didn't even know this girl. Love? She was pushed away from that feeling when she married Alex Karev, forced by her parents, but now she was decided to be taken by her feelings. As Alex Karev came to her mind, she remembered how much she wanted to divorce from him.

On her way to get the divorce papers she noticed that the bar she once came in, the bar where she met the girl that once was her girlfriend, was still there, 11 years later the bar was still there! She couldn't believe that! She always thought that a lesbian bar, which that certainly was, wouldn't last. The fame that bar had, that only gay people came in, people who were afraid to speak up, to show the world who they really were, those people were the ones who went there, that fame she thought, would close the bar eventually, but it didn't! People used to be ashamed when anyone saw them leaving that bar, but probably they're not anymore, or simply don't care, because the bar was there and only brought Callie bad memories. She started to cry in the middle of the street, she was heartbroken again. The bar she once though she fit in, that bar was still there! The bar where she was forced to break up with the girl she was with, that beautiful redhead, only picturing those beautiful Light brown eyes looking at her, she couldn't! That girl made her question if she really was a lesbian, but now, Arizona, she was absolutely sure.

Would she come in? Why would she anyway? No, Callie continued her way to get the divorce papers.

''Sign it, please. It's the divorce papers.'' Callie threw the papers over Alex's lunch table.

''Already? You really want it, huh?'' Alex felt like all those days together were for nothing, this girl didn't love him at all.

''Yep, we both want it, so why not? Just sign.'' Callie spoke with this indifference voice. As she gave him a pen and putted it over the papers. ''Just sign.'' She kept on rushing him, as fast as she got it, as fast they were divorced. She was really done with him.

''Okay, leave it there, I'll sign it.'' Alex said. He wasn't sure of what he was doing.

''Why can't you just sign?!'' Callie was pissed of now. Why wasn't he singing? She had the day off and she was wasting her time with him.

''I wanna read it.'' He said, with a serious ton.

''Gosh Alex! I'm not taking advantage of you!'' She was yelling now. Callie knew she easily lost control, but she really wanted him to sign the papers and he knew about that and was teasing her! He has no rights to do that! Well, he has the rights to read it but… ''Fine. Just hand it over to me later. Today. My mail box. Or knock, whatever. Today Alex!'' She said, with a very serious and determinate face. The eating room was now full of people staring at them. At her. Arizona was there too. She didn't care now, she was embarrassed and only wanted to get out of there.

"What did I do?" Callie kept thinking. She had yelled to her husband in the hospital, with everyone watching. Arizona watching. What a stupid thing.

Callie was feeling really down lately. With all that was going on her life, she was feeling really bad. As she got home from the hospital, Callie just threw herself to the bed and started to cry. Again. She punched her pillows as she always did. Everyday Callie cried in her room. Everyday Callie felt terrible. She felt left out, she felt ashamed, she felt like no one cared about her. She was heartbroken everyday. She has been like this for years. Everyday she got home from work and ran into her bedroom crying. Why was she like that? She had a depression. She had only her friend Mark, the rest of the people bailed on her, she was married to a guy that didn't love her, she was married to a guy she didn't love. No one cared about her right now, and her friend Mark not understanding what she was going through really hurt her. She started seeing a therapist a week ago. She felt like this was the only thing that could help her right now, after several years like this.

Today was the day she was going to therapy again. She felt so alone.

As she got into the building, she went straight to the to secretary to sign the papers, to register her presence there that day. What a surprise when she was signing and noticed the name before hers, Arizona Robbins. What? Could that be right? Her Arizona? What was her name doing there? What could cause Arizona to go there, that awful place?

Callie was so surprised. She was very curious now. How could Arizona be there? The woman with the most beautiful smile she had ever seen? That woman, what problems could she have? She had to find out.

"When did this Arizona Robbins come?" She asked to the lady behind the dusty wooden table.

"We're not allowed to say that." She answered in a really cold way.

"But… is she still here?" Callie asked with a sweet begging voice. "She's my friend."

"Well, I can't say that, but… she might. If you're waiting for your doctor is because he's with another patient, right?"

"Right! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

"I didn't say a word, remember?"

"Of course not. I just called my friend a few hours ago, right?" She smiled at the lady, as she left.

She was still so surprised. Arizona Robbins needing help! What could she have? What if it was similar to what she had? Poor Arizona! She felt like she needed to know more. As she went back to that lady, ''My friend Arizona, is she regular?"

"Miss, I can't say."

"Okay, than just open her file and go to the bathroom!"

"I cannot go to the bathroom now!"

"Just open her file than." And the nurse lady did, opened Arizona's file just in front of her. Callie went to the back of the nurse and red every word. The evaluation of Arizona called her attention.

**Patient Arizona suffered a traumatic incident a few years ago. This patient says that she feels misunderstood. She's a lesbian, supported by only her parents and some people. She feels like ''crap'' everyday. This patient will need help, but she can get through all of that. It's easier than some other patients.**

Callie couldn't believe. What traumatic incident could that be? She's like me! She feels like I do.

She went to the waiting room to wait for her turn. She didn't know what to do. _Should I talk to her?_ A voice off interrupted her thoughts "Calliope Torres called to room 4. Calliope Torres called to room 4." _Okay, I have to go now._ _What if I see Arizona? Talk to her?_ She kept thinking while walking to the room 4. Callie didn't see Arizona on her way to the room.

''Hello, Calliope. Sit down please.''

''Hi Doctor.'' She gave him a shy smile. As she set on the chair she saw the file that was on his desk, Arizona's. They have colors. Hers is yellow, that means she's not regular, she's new and she will come some more times. Callie was red.

"So, how do you feel today?"

"I'm fine. I asked for the divorce to Alex."

"Great step, Calliope. How did he react?"

"He will sign, I hope."

"We hope so. And, have you kept our promise?"

"Yes. I didn't hurt myself in anyway, I swear." She looked down.

"That's great Calliope, that's really great."

"Can you call me Callie, please? And yeah, it's good, I guess."

"Callie, how have you been since last week?"

"Well, I'm not better since."

"Did you cry everyday too this week?"

"Yes. I can't help it. I just feel so lonely, so misunderstood. Even when I'm around people." Callie was really feeling what she was saying.

They kept talking for 2 hours. When she left the clinic was already 9p.m. Callie only felt like going home, for her bed. Callie just needed to sleep that night, if she stayed up she would keep thinking, so that's what she did, went to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

When she woke up it was already 12a.m, she was late for work. She looked onto her phone, why wasn't it ringing? Well, it was turned off, probably with no bars. She put her cell phone charging and turned it on. Two missed calls, from Mark, and a text

**Why aren't you here yet? Today is the day to put up an offer to chief. Hurry Calls! The Chief will notice you're not here, soon. **

_The day to put up an offer to chief? What offer? What was Mark talking about? _

Callie called Mark.

''Hey you! Have you seen what time is it?" Mark said, with an angry voice, but not too angry.

"Yes, I'm sorry. But… what offer were you talking about?"

"Every doctor has to talk to the chief and tell him why he should choose you as the next chief or if you don't want to, who you think it would be great for it. You don't listen to what people say?"

"Of course I don't want to be the next chief!" Callie spoke with a really sleepy and decided voice. "And of course I don't listen to what people say."

"I want, so get up, get dressed, and come vote for me. No more words." He hung up before Callie could say anything. She was feeling sad, she wanted to do everything but work. _I have to go, otherwise I will lose my job I know. One day off and than not showing up? Definitely fired. _She was a doctor after if she didn't show up, they needed another doctor to replace her, so she should better get going.

Callie remembered that she had to check her mail box to see if Alex left the divorce papers there. As she opened the box, it was empty. No divorce papers. Why would Alex not be signing? Why would he? He didn't love her at all. She didn't love him.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH" She started to scream in the hallway. The neighbors opened their doors to see what was happening. When they saw it was Callie, they closed their doors and went inside again, looking at her like she was like some kind of freak, some kind of crazy woman. She wasn't. _I'm not!_ For God's sake, Alex.

She went back home, dressed her black jeans, the only color she felt like using for the last couple of years, and her black t-shirt, with the words **I** **DON'T** written on the front. Put her phone on the pocket and left the house.

"Where have you been Torres?" the nurse asked her.

"Not here." That wasn't a nice answer, but her mind wasn't there, she wasn't thinking about that nurse. There was only two things on her mind now. Arizona and Karev. The beautiful Arizona, she had to talk to her, but how could she? What would she say? _Hi, I'm Calliope Torres and I red your file from the clinic._ Yes, very normal.

"Yes, I noticed. I had to assist another doctor these days." The nurse said, while looking at Callie from top to bottom.

"I'm sorry about that." She gave the nurse a little smile. "I have to go now. See you later Sarah."

Callie was looking around, to every person she passed by, she was looking for Alex. She was also trying not to see Arizona, she wanted to avoid her.

"ALEX!" Callie yelled, when she saw her husband. "What the hell, Alex? I didn't get the divorce papers."

"Wow, Calls, take it easy. I know you didn't, I didn't give them to you." He said, very serious.

"And why was that?" Callie was pissed of now. Since yesterday she has been pissed of, and now Karev was teasing her again, and for what she could see, he would keep doing it for a long time. "Why?"

"Because I haven't signed them, yet."

"And why didn't you signed them yet? Please tell me!" She was getting more and more mad at him.

"Because I don't know what I'm going to do yet." And he left.

What did he mean? _I don't know what I'm going to do yet… _what a jerk. She wanted the divorce, he couldn't argue against that. What could he do? _Please_, she only wanted the divorce. They haven't talked for decades, they only said hi to each other at the hospital, that wasn't a marriage. "I really want the divorce, Alex. I will get it!" She yelled at him, and started to run for the bathroom.

Everything happens to me! I suck. I'm this stupid person, married to a jerk. We've been married for 11 years now and only were something near a couple and made sex in the first year, the 10 other years we haven't been a couple. We're just two people compromised, living apart for what? 5 years? What the hell am I doing to my life? I've tried to kill myself, and I didn't succeed.

Callie grabbed a pen that was on her pocket. _Ahh, auch. This fuckin' hurts. _She was self harming. She had promised the doctor that she wouldn't hurt herself anymore. _But what does he know about my life? Nothing! Screw him._ _This hurts but feels good, I can relieve another pain. Why am I doing this? I'm a doctor! But yes, it hurts. I like the pain. My mind is twisted. How can I be a good doctor like this? I should give up. But if I give up already, how would my life be like? No! I can't give up. I HATE THE WORLD. I hate everyone right now. No. I can't be like this. What should I do?_ Callie was bleeding, she couldn't go talk to the chief like that. She cleaned up her tears, washed her face and went out of the bathroom. She was so done with crying. She was always like that, she was tired. Her face was tired. _I don't know what to do. _

Callie went straight to the nurses room and grabbed a patch and a caught tape and putted it around her wrist, to hide her cut. Putted a little make up on her eyes and a red lip balm. _Now I can talk to the chief._

"So, Dr. Torres, who do you think it would be appropriate for the position?" The chief asked her.

"I have to choose between Arizona Robbins and Mark Sloan." Callie said with thoughtful voice.

"Than Mark Sloan it is."

"But I was going to choose Arizona!"

"Well, she can't be the chief of this hospital if she doesn't work here. Mark Sloan it is, than."

"What do you mean? If she doesn't work here? She's a peds surgeon."

"Yes she is, but not in this hospital, not anymore."

"Oh, okay. But why?"

"I'm sorry, Dr. Torres, but it's not of your business."

"Than Mark Sloan it is."

"Okay, thank you for your vote."

Callie was lead into the door by the chief. "Thank you." She couldn't believe, Arizona has been fired? What about now? All of her plans to talk to her and see her and meet her… what would happen? She kept walking and walking by the hospital, she had no patients. At one point she stopped, she heard a little voice crying next to her. It was Arizona's! What was Arizona crying about? She had so much to cry about, too. She was trying to avoid her, but in this moment all of those feelings were forgotten, she was there crying, alone!

"Arizona! Are you okay?" _What the hell did I say? Are you okay… of course she's not okay, she's crying! _"I mean, do you need something?"

"No, thank you." Her crying voice said, very gentle.

"I'm Calliope, I mean, Callie, Callie Torres." She was so out of her mind. She didn't know what to say. "If you want to talk…"

"I don't need to, thank you." She kept crying.

"Well, I know that it's awful to cry alone, and it's awful to talk with people you don't know, but sometimes it's better! Please let me help you." Callie said with a soft and sweet voice. The beautiful Arizona was crying there alone, she had to help her! "First of all, let's get out of here, this is a really bad place to cry…I mean, look at all those people passing by."

Arizona Smiled "There's no need to. Don't worry." Callie gave her a look, an _I'm in charge _look. "Okay than. Let's go."

Callie gently grabbed Arizona's hands and pulled her up, holding her like she was giving her an hug. "Gently.."

"Thank You, Callie." Arizona said, lighting up Callie's face.

"You're so welcome. Let's go."

Callie took Arizona to a Café down the street. The café had wooden walls and a big entrance, this café was beautiful and old. They set in a table on the corner, only some people could see them. It was great for Arizona to cry.

"Arizona, why are you crying?" Callie said. When she didn't get an answer she continued. "I spoke to the chief, you know. I know you're no longer working on SGH. Is because of that?"

Arizona kept crying and not answering. Callie understood, it's terrible to be like that. "Were you fired? You can talk to me, Arizona."

As Callie uncovered Arizona's face, she put the hair that was hiding her face behind her ear. The hair that was hiding that beautiful face. Arizona looked at Callie and felt safe with that look on her face. Arizona was thinking if she should trust Callie, after all, she didn't know her.

"Yes, I was fired. I cannot work on that hospital again." She carried a really sad face, she was heartbroken. "How do you know that?"

"Well, I was there to choose you as the next Chief but than I heard that you couldn't be because you weren't a doctor there anymore. I was really sad about it, you're a great doctor!" Arizona was really surprised. "But…why were you fired?"

"You Wanted me as your chief?" Arizona sounded surprised.

"Of course I did. And I still do. Again, why were you fired?"

"Well…you can't tell anyone if I tell you." She was talking with a scared voice. Callie realized that, but she was so exited now. She wanted to know why Arizona had been fired. "But I understand if you don't want to tell me. It's okay."

"Hum..I-" Arizona was interrupted by Callie.

"Come have dinner with me. Just forget about all those problems!"

"Well…at your apartment?" She gave Callie the first true smile of the night. At first she hesitated but she was needing to forget about everything. "Okay, let's go. I need it."


	3. Chapter 3

Callie couldn't find her keys. It was a little bit embarrassing inviting Arizona to dinner and not having the keys to enter the apartment! "Well, I'm sorry Arizona, I'm not finding the keys…" Arizona gave a little laugh. "No problem, Callie! We can eat here!" She said, with a voice that seamed happier than she was before. That was a good thing, Callie was distracting her, she was proud of herself right now. She was distracting Arizona but she had her twisted mind full of thoughts that didn't leave her, never. She wanted to distract Arizona, but also herself. _Screw everything now, I am finally with Arizona, for the first time. She is so sweet. I'm going to distract myself. She has that power, right? _

"That is a good idea, but I wanted to cook." Callie realized what she said. "Well…I'm a great cooker, I just wanted to show you."

"Well…what do you want to do than?" Callie was thinking now. She really wanted to show Arizona she can cook.

"Mark! He has a pair of keys."

"Well, okay than. He wouldn't mind?"

"I wouldn't care." Callie grabbed her phone and started calling Mark. "Maaark! Soo….listen, I have a little problem and I need your help."

"Hey gorgeous, what is it?"

"I lost my keys, I need you to bring me yours. Please…?"

"What? Now? Callie…"

"I voted for you today!"

"That's what friends do!"

"So is this!"

"Okay, I'll bring you."

"Hurry up!" She hung up.

"He's bringing me the keys." She said looking into those beautiful blue eyes.

"And…why does he have your keys?"

"Because he's my best friend, and if he needs something and I'm not home he can come in!" She smiled. Arizona seemed surprised, in her life, people weren't like that. She was now seeing how Callie was. "Let's sit!"

They set down, talking about everything. They talked about the stupid hospital, how obvious was that Mark cared about Lexie, how obvious was that April was in love with that new boy. They talked about food, their favorite food. "I love lasagna!" She said with a sarcastic ton, similar to the voice of that nurse everyone hated! Arizona was laughing so hard! She really was great at imitating people! They were having fun. They kept talking and laughing for hours, until Mark showed up, they had forgotten that they were waiting for him. "Mark!"

"Hey…Hello Arizona!" He was surprised seeing Arizona there. "I'm sorry I took too long, I had a problem with…-"

"I don't care. Okay, give me the keys. We were waiting!" Callie said very serious, but when she looked at Arizona they both started laughing. Mark felt like they were teasing him, but he didn't care, they were funny. "Just give me, mark" She gave him a big smile.

"See you later Calls." He gave her the keys.

"Thank you!" She yelled as Mark was leaving.

"Well, let's go in!" Callie was much better now, she was happy. Arizona was too. They were having fun now! "I'm starving. You?"

"I am too! Let's see how a great cooker you are." She said with a teasing voice.

"I'm awesome at it!"

"I believe so!"

While Callie was cooking Arizona was discovering everything at the apartment. She discovered the radio and putted on a cd. Callie started to sing and dancing. _I know that song! She chose that song! I love it! _Callie went to the top of the table and started to dance on it. Arizona was loving that and did the same! They moved their arms back and forward, up and down. Their feet couldn't stop. They kept making different moves every time. Arizona was actually a great dancer! Finally they were away from their reality, having fun for the first time in years. Callie was dancing and yelling and screaming and… remembered about the dinner, she went to the kitchen, still dancing and cooking, all at the same time. Arizona was so loving that! Callie was really fun, and that night, so was she! Callie kept looking at Arizona dancing alone, on the table. She was doing her own moves, something that Callie had never seen, her arms were moving, her hips were moving, her…everything was moving! Callie was really enjoying that, Arizona.

She set the table and served the food. Arizona didn't even notice so she went there and grabbed her hand. "Let's eat, you dancer."

"Oh, sorry. Let's go eatttt!" Arizona was so exited now, she was so energic now, something that Callie had never seen, she was more beautiful than ever. "nhumy! It's delicious. I approve!"

"Thank you, Arizona. So…were you having fun?"

"Of course! Something I haven't in ages!"

"I'm glad!"

They kept eating until there was no food left. That hours waiting at the door and now this whole dance thing…made them hungry. Callie could spend the rest of the night looking at Arizona but she couldn't, Arizona wouldn't enjoy it. "Let's sing!"

"I can't sing! I'm like… awful, the worst singer ever!" Arizona said.

"Well…I don't care doll, we're going to sing!" She grabbed two karaoke microphones, giving the blue one to Arizona and keeping the pink one. "What do you want to sing?"

"You choose!"

"Okay than." Callie knew exactly the song she wanted to sing. It was a soft song but that one song she wanted to sing to Arizona, _well… I don't know if it's a good idea but… _"This one!"

When the music started Callie was really surprised, Arizona knew all the lyrics! That beautiful song. Callie was the first one to sing but Arizona kept on singing even if it wasn't her turn.

**It's amazing  
How you can speak  
Right to my heart  
Without saying a word,  
You can light up the dark**

**Try as I may  
I could never explain  
What I hear when  
You don't say a thing**

Callie started to sing looking into Arizona's beautiful and hypnotizing blue eyes.

**The smile on your face  
Lets me know  
That you need me  
There's a truth  
In your eyes  
Saying you'll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says  
You'll catch me  
Whenever I fall**

She started to cry. Arizona was crying! _No.. _"Oh My God, Arizona, what's happening?" Why was Arizona crying now? They were having fun! Did she get emotional? Because of what? The song? "What can I do?"

"Nothing Calliope, I'm okay."

"Arizona, I know you're not! Do you want to leave?"

"No. I can't go home anyway, so I'm trying to be here until you send me away."

"I will never send you away, please stay."

"Are you serious? You don't mind?" She was so thankful now, she didn't though Callie would want her to stay. "I promise I'll make breakfast."

"There's no need to. Are you better? I mean… if you want to talk, I'm here. I'm always here for you." Arizona couldn't believe, this girl was amazing. She was so sweet and caring and beautiful and perfect… huh… did she just thought perfect? Actually, that was the way Arizona saw Callie, she was perfect to her eyes.

"I'm better, thanks. I'll talk if I need, really."

"Okay than. Hum... forget singing!" _What should I do now?_

"You're a great great singer!" She really was. "I love your clothes, did I tell you?"

"You do? Do you want to see how they look on you?" She gave Arizona this smile, this beautiful and full of passion smile. "Because I do."

"Sure I do!" Arizona was thinking how Callie looked on hers, that top, that pink top and those shorts, something she didn't use that much. "But what I really want to see is you on mine."

"Let's do it!" Callie raised the music volume, now it was on an _ACDC_ song, a beautiful and good to dance song! They changed clothes.

"Oh My God, Arizona! You're so tinny! This clothes don't fit me!"

"Let me see!" Arizona was exited!

Callie showed up on Arizona's clothes. "You're so hot!"

"You think? This makes my boobs bigger." Callie was a little bit uncomfortable on those clothes. "But you… well I'm fatter."

"Actually you're not. My clothes are tight and yours aren't. Just that." She was so happy seeing Callie on her clothes. "But you're really hot!"

"And so are you." She was really tired now. Could she say that? Could she say to Arizona that she wanted to go to sleep? "I'm a bit tired. Are you?"

"A little bit." She was embarrassed, she was going to sleep there!

"Well, you can sleep on my bedroom."

"No way! I sleep on the couch."

"Hey, no way you're going to sleep on the couch. My house, my rules. You sleep on my bedroom. Do you mind sleeping with my cheats?"

"Not at all. Do you have a t-shirt you can borrow me?"

"Of course." Callie gave her the t-shirt and putted on her pjs. _Let's see if I can sleep after this day. This awful and than amazing day! _

"Thank you Callie. For everything." Arizona said, from the door, before closing it.

"Don't thank me. I thank you. Sleep tight." Callie was really sweet now. She was so sweet today. She was amazing to her newest friend, or whatever she is, Arizona! _I have to sleep now. _

She has been laying there in the couch for hours now, she couldn't sleep, she was way too exited to sleep. Callie started to think about everything now. Why was Arizona crying today? Why did she started to cry while they were so happily singing? Why couldn't Arizona go home? _Was Arizona sleeping? _The answer was no, because she heard the door opening and Arizona's little steps on the wooden floor. "You're up?"

Arizona relaxed now and started to walk to Callie's direction. "I can't sleep."

"Come sit with me." Callie gave Arizona a little kiss on her cheek.

_**The song used was ''When You say nothing at all" by Ronan Keating**_


	4. Chapter 4

**_Arizona's Point Of View_**

That kiss felt like heaven. Arizona was in heaven. Callie was with this sweet person, this amazing person, how come she never met her? She was so gently in every move. Callie started to lay in the couch slowly, ending with Arizona laying over her. They were so sweet now. Arizona grabbed Callie's hand and started to caress it. "I could stay here forever." _Did I just say that? Well, I would stay here forever. I can trust her. Callie, I can trust her. Than I gave Callie a little kiss on her hand. I couldn't see Callie's face, because I wasn't looking at her, I was on top of her, but I knew she smiled, her body smiled, because she didn't move her hand, she just grabbed my other hand with hers and kissed it too. I want to talk to her. I saw her there! I saw her on the clinic. I shouldn't have hid. But I didn't know her, I didn't know Callie, I didn't want people from the hospital to know that I am… that I go there. That I need to. But I guess she wouldn't want it either, why would she go there? Did she see me there? I've been so selfish, she has been so kind to me and I only took advantage of it, what if she has worse problems than mine? Oh My God, I'm a terrible person! I have to thank her in some way! I need Callie to see that I care, because I really feel that I can trust her. I know she will never let me down. How could I know that after one day with her? Is it because she was the only one that helped me when no one cared? Is it because she made me forget about everything when I was with her? It's about everything. I'm feeling so much feelings about this girl! I have to know her problems, I want to help her. I don't want to have reasons to cry, I want to have reasons to smile. She needs help too, otherwise she wouldn't go to the clinic. But from what I saw before I got caught by the nurse, she's regular, her file was red… that's not good. If I am like I am, and I'm yellow… I need to meet her, I need to stay with her! My heart just stopped. Callie hugged me so tight that my heart stopped. She makes me feel safe. I need to make her feel safe. I turned around, looking into her beautiful eyes. They stared at each other for what seemed an eternity. _Arizona's mind stopped thinking. _I was approaching my face to hers, I looked into her eyes once again, than closed mine. That kiss felt like heaven. Her mouth was so soft, when she kissed me back I turned it into a passionate kiss, a beautiful moment. I hold her face with my hands. I opened my eyes, she was beautiful, she really was. _Callie was taken by Arizona, trusting her. _I feel safe here. I feel safe with her. _

"Let's do it, than." Callie said. _ What was Callie talking about? Let's do it? _"Stay here, forever." _Did Callie just say that? Let's stay here forever. I couldn't ask for more. _

The beautiful blond was in heaven. So was Callie.

Arizona was trusting Callie more and more, as the time passed by. _But… can I tell her my story now? Of course not! I would ruin this moment. This perfect moment. I'm falling for her. Is Callie too? I saw her on the clinic, but she was so strong. She was being so strong now. Is she being strong for me? _Callie really was, but she didn't know that, yet. "I like you, Calliope Torres." That slipped out of her mouth, she didn't wanted to say that like… like she did! _Did Callie hear it?_ Callie didn't answer. _She's probably sleeping now. I didn't move, it feels so good lay down with Callie, it's so good, being here with her, she's holding me and I'm holding her. _She wasn't sure of what was happening, what she knew was that she had met the most wonderful human being of all times and that she really wanted to see her again.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH" "AAAAAAHHHHHH" Arizona woke up with Callie's screams. She was sleeping! She was sleeping and screaming! And there are tears falling from her face! She was living that nightmare like it was reality. What could be happening to her? What could she have in her mind, what could she be dreaming_? Callie must have a lot on her head!_ _I was so selfish today. I can't even sleep now.._Arizona didn't sleep at all that night, she had to check on Callie. She was worried now. Callie kept sleeping but her night… she was so disturbed. The rest of the night was spent with Arizona looking at Callie, realizing how beautiful she was.

As the sun was rising, Arizona woke up. She went to make breakfast to Callie. She felt the need to thank her for everything. Her day had been so bad and she had really helped her. She made pancakes and putted on ice cream, well… not the best thing to eat in the morning, but it was great. She grabbed a tray and managed a beautiful tray with that breakfast she made her… her what? Her friend? Yes, her friend.

"Good morning, gorgeous." Arizona said with a soft voice, waking Callie up.

"Hum, good morning beautiful." Callie said. She gave Arizona a big smile, she was kind of happy, the first think she saw in the morning was Arizona's face! "You made me pancakes?"

"Yes I did. You deserve." _Should I mention what happened tonight? Should I tell her that she suffers while she's sleeping? Should I tell her… everything?_

"Did you stay here all night?" Callie was thinking now, she knew how her sleep was.

"Yes, I did. Why?" _Does she know? Does Callie know how she sleeps? I really should talk to her, but… we only have some minutes left, I know. She has to work. _Callie wasn't speaking. "You should eat! You have to go to work in a few minutes, you know…"

"What? Really? I totally forgot." She was so embarrassed now.

"Yes, it's Friday yet. I chose your clothes, if you want to use."

"I'm so thankful! Let's eat!" Callie started to eat and moaned about it. "It's good!"

_She likes my food, that's good, at least I didn't make anything terrible. Well, she has to go to work and… what am I going to do with my life? I have no job, no one will accept me, I know. And I have no place to live, at least for a few months. I. I. and i. I need to think about Her too. I can't be selfish anymore. I want to stay with Callie. She's getting dressed now. I can go with her till the hospital, right? But… what will she think? No, I can't go. I'm a jerk._

"I love the clothes you chose Arizona." She smiled. Callie was thinking now, what would that mean?

"I'm glad!"

"I know you can't go home, right? You can stay here. I work until 5 or 6."

Arizona was flipping out now. _Of course I can stay! FOREVER if you want. I stay! I will stay and stay and never leave! _"I don't know, you wouldn't mind?" _She wants me to stay! _

"Of course not. But I have to go now. See you later!" Callie gave Arizona a little kiss on the cheek.

As the door closed behind Callie, Arizona started to dance. _Callie wants me. Callie needs me… I hope. I want Callie. I need Callie… for sure. What am I going to do now? I have the day to do whatever I want now. This sucks. _

_What if my dad wasn't a marine? What if I hadn't gone through everything I've been trough, what if I wasn't a doctor? What if I had never gone to therapy? I wouldn't have meet Callie. I wouldn't have reasons to think. I wouldn't have reasons to try to Stay Strong. I wouldn't have… What if? I'm thinking so much about Callie. I mean, how can a girl make so much impact on my life? Like this, like she did! I can't believe this. I'm falling for her, I'm falling for her so much. And she trusts me! She wouldn't let me stay in her apartment if she didn't trust me. _Arizona started to walk around the house. She stopped by the phone and saw Callie and Mark's numbers written on it. She texted Callie

**Have a great day. Everything will be great at the end of it. **

**You're Great. See you later, **

**Arizona. **

As she pressed send, Arizona set on the couch waiting for a reply. She fell asleep.

"Baby, wake up. Arizona, let's eat." Callie said. _The first thing I saw when I woke up was Callie's face. Is it dinner time already? Did I sleep all day long? I haven't slept for days, so that's kind of normal. But… it's terrible. I'm not home. My home. _

"I'm so sorry! I fell asleep."

"No problem. Let's go to a restaurant. I don't want to make dinner today."

"Can we go take a walk first?"

"Of course we can." _I grabbed my phone to see what time it was, 7p.m! I slept so much! And I had a text, from Callie. The text I fell asleep on. I will now._ **You're not great, you're awesome. Xoxo Callie. **_She was_ so sweet.

_We left the apartment to go for a walk, as said. Now is the moment. The moment to talk with Callie, to show her I trust her._

"I asked for a time out today, at the hospital, you know." Callie said.

"You did? Really? That's… I don't know what to say." _It's now! She asked for a time out, that means she can't work right now… _"You know, Callie… I saw you."

"You saw me?"

"Yes, at the clinic. I saw you there." Arizona started. She was so scared. "But I was a coward and I hid. I hid from you, because I didn't want people to know that I need to go there. I was a total jerk and I am. And I should have talked to you. I'm so-"

"You don't need to be sorry. I understand you, I didn't want people to know it either. But you, I want you to know. And I want you to trust me. I trust you. I knew you were there that day because I saw your name before mine. I asked the nurse to see your file, I saw your evaluation. That is what being coward is. I saw what I shouldn't. It's not my life and I can't do that. I'm really sorry. I swear I only red that, I didn't want to read the rest. It's your life. But when I saw you at the hospital crying… my heart stopped. It broke my heart. To think that you were like me. That beautiful doctor I stared at, that beautiful doctor who has friends, who is gorgeous, with that beautiful smile, also suffers. Suffers like I suffer. I'm so sorry, Arizona." Callie interrupted Arizona. They stopped now, in the middle of the street, in front of the river.

"It's okay, Calliope. I trust you. I will trust you. And I want you to trust me too. I was fired from the hospital, and now I won't be a doctor anymore, never. And you want to know why, right?"

Arizona started to cry. Callie hugged her so tight she couldn't let go. "I want to know why, and I know this is hard. I know this is really difficult, I know. I know it because I have a depression, I cry everyday. My days have no longer a reason. I have no reason to live. I've tried not to live, but I didn't succeed. I've tried to do so much. I've hurt myself in so many ways." Callie showed Arizona her both wrists. Arizona started to cry even more. "I keep doing that everyday. It hurts. I like the pain, I like the pain because it's the only thing I feel by the end of the day, it's really sad but it's true. My life sucks. My life is really sad. I went to the therapist for the first time last week. I swear that I don't know how he can help me. I'm hurt inside and out. I asked for a time off the hospital. How can I be a doctor like this? I can't. How can I say to other kids that they can't do something like this with scars on my wrists? How can I live like this? Arizona, trust me, please." _Callie is crying! I am crying! We're both crying and… oh my god. Calliope is so hurt. But she was so strong with me! She was so damn strong with me! She was being strong for me! _"One of the most scariest things in life is when you come to the realization that the only thing that can save you is yourself."


	5. Chapter 5

**_Callie's Point Of View_**

_I hope I said it well, because now I'm crying so hard. _

"Don't cry Callie. That is the scariest thing in life. I came to that realization, and apparently so did you, but please stop with that feelings, because that's a lie, now you have me, and you will always have until I die. I swear to you." Arizona said, she cleaned up her tears. "You can't live like that Callie. I know the feeling and I don't want you to be like that, I want to protect you. I want to hold you so tight that the only thing you will feel will be my strength. Please, Calliope, don't cry."

Callie was crying even more now! How could she laugh or something like that now? _Arizona will protect me. Arizona will be here for me_."I will be here for you too, Arizona. Always."

_Yes! I will be here for her, she's beautiful and she's amazing and she's perfect and…yes, she is. She stood there with me all night, she stayed at my apartment and fell asleep while waiting for me, she danced for me, she danced With me, she gave me her clothes to wear and said that I'm hot. She said she likes me. I grabbed Arizona's face and cleaned up her tears, she had so many. As her blue eyes looked into mine, I approached my face to hers, gently, softly… and kissed her. We kissed. _

"I will go with you to therapy, baby." Arizona said.

"I actually don't know how that's going to help me. But I will try."

"You have to! You have your entire life in front of you. You deserve to be happy. You will get through all those problems, I know that. I'm sure of it. And I also know how that's hard, so I will be here with you. For you."

"You know, I've been like this for 5 years and no one noticed, not a freaking person. Not my best friend, not a doctor, not a patient, nobody! I feel like crap, Arizona! Everyday I feel like no one cares about me. I want to kill myself, because life would be better off without me. The world would be better. I would be better. I'm only here because I'm really strong, and I know that. When I introduced a girlfriend to my parents they made me marry Alex. I wasn't happy. Never. My life was a mistake. I don't care about my parents anymore, Arizona. Stay with me please. Because I really want to have a reason to smile. I hate cutting myself everyday. I hate the fact that I'm not who I want to be. I'm not perfect and I also don't want or need to. I don't need to be that, because nobody wants me to be. The only thing that made me smile at the hospital was you, and when I saw you cry… you can't imagine. My heart stopped." _I looked right into her eyes._ "Why Arizona, why were you fired?"

"Calliope! I care about you. You will never do that in your life, because I can't stand the idea of losing you. The world would suck without you, because you are the best person I've ever met! You are really strong and we'll get through this, together, okay? I will never leave." Arizona was looking down now, looking at the ground. "I was fired because… I can't work anymore. I can't be a doctor anymore, like ever."

"Why can't you babe? You're the best!"

"Because… I'm sick, Callie. I'm sick and I will get worse. I will probably die someday. I was fired because I can't work like this."

"You're sick?"

"I have… cancer." _NO! PLEASE, NOT ARIZONA! She can't have cancer. No, she can't! _Callie started to cry and soap.

Callie hugged her. "No, Arizona. You will not die while I'm alive and I'm here to take care of you! You are the best person ever, not me! You will get through all of that. You will make a surgery. I'm glad you're not working! I'm not working. We will have all the time to ourselves!" _Please, not Arizona._

Callie grabbed Arizona's hand and started to walk. "Arizona, you are so strong. I like you so much. I can't lose you, so that's what is going to happen. You will only die when you're 90's. And than I will die too, because life would be boring. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Let's go home, I'll order pizza!"

"I love pizza."

Callie kept holding Arizona's hand with all the strength she had, she wanted her to feel safe. They kept looking at each other like they were loving each other until they got home.

_I'm freaking out now. I'm with Arizona, but… I feel like I'm nothing. I feel nothing. I want to cut myself. I want to kill myself. I just said everything I feel to a person I met yesterday, what am I, crazy? I just spoke my problems like they were nothing. I just… I'm nothing. I'm ugly. How can Arizona be here now? How can she be with me? How can she like me? How? Can I send her home and kill myself? I have a friend, girlfriend or whatever she is, I was supposed to be happy. I'm strong, come on. Everything tears me down. I'm broken inside. I'm broken. I need help. I need not to think right now. This things don't fly away, but I can do it, I know. I started to cry now. Arizona is hugging me so strongly. I can't stop crying. I suck, I'm such a bad person. I love Arizona. I love her. I want her to be happy. How can I make her happy if I am the worst person ever? Who wants such a disturbed girlfriend? I mean… my mind is twisted. Normal people smile and I cry. I'm not normal. I want to live. I want to do something but now I want to cut myself. I want to cut myself so deep that I end up on the hospital and not waking up. But now I have Arizona, I can't do this things anymore. I need to think about her first than I think about me. __**Can I kill myself?**_

"Callie! Callieee! Calliope, listen to me!"_ Arizona was screaming and hugging me. I wasn't listening. I was to desperate. I am to desperate. What should I do?_

"I'm sorry, babe. I'm freaking out. I'm shocked because you're here with me, and I've stalked you for like… two years. This is a dream came true. And I don't understand because I have everything that I've always wanted and I want to cut myself now, I'm asking myself if I can kill myself, but I can't because of you. I'm freaking out because I freak out everyday, but with you…I shouldn't. I want to change, I want to make you happy, I want you to be happy, so happy. You make me feel special, Arizona. You are special. We are! But I can't be like this all the time, because I want to live your life. I probably shouldn't say this but I love you. I love you, Arizona, and you should leave now. You should leave because I suck. You should leave because no one wants a person like me. I am-"

"Perfect. You. Are. Perfect." _Arizona interrupted me, before giving me the best kiss ever! She kissed me with all the passion she had on her body. I felt like I was in heaven. I am in heaven. I'm in heaven, and heaven is Arizona. I want this moment to last forever. Please, don't end. She is so sweet. _"Callie, you cannot kill yourself or hurt yourself in anyway. I am here and I will always. You will never do that, you hear me? Never! And you are beautiful, so beautiful Callie. If you could see yourself the way I see you… You are perfect, Calliope. And yes, I love you. I don't care if it's too soon or too late. I love you and I don't care about anything else now. I just want you. My perfect girl. Okay?" _I said yes with my head and pressed my lips against hers. We kissed for what seemed an eternity. We kept our kiss while I unbuttoned her shirt. _

**Thank you Jessica , Margarida and Yasmin! **


	6. Chapter 6

_As I woke up I saw Arizona's beautiful face. We had the best sex. I had the best sex of my life. Arizona is so sweet_. "I want you to stay here forever, babe." _I really want. I gave her a little kiss on her cheek. I have Arizona here! With me. I can't believe it yet. I have the most wonderful human being right here next to me. We had the best night ever. _

"I will stay here forever than." _I started to think…yesterday I didn't want to bother her but..why can't she go home? _

"You can't go home, right?"

"Nope. It's complicated_." I must have given her a scary look because she excused herself right the way_. "I can explain."

"Only if you want to."

"My parents are mad at me. Because I have cancer, I have it because I served on the war. I was there against their will. And I got sick. Now they want me to do a surgery and I don't want to."

"Omg, Arizona! First of all,** you're a hero.** Second of all, you need to do it!" Callie was ordering her now.

"I will think about it." _Arizona has to do it!_

"I need to go to that roller coaster! I want to Callie, please! Let's go babe!" Arizona was really happy there, that was going so well! That night was going really well. That amusement fair was awesome, full of roller coasters and carts shock and things like that! Arizona was loving. "Please?" She was pouting now.

"Okay, let's go!" _I'm going to throw up. I hate roller coasters, but I'll go! It'll be fun. _

_We got into the roller coaster, we set on the first two sits, the worst ones. _"We're going to diee!"_ I started to scream as much as I could the moment we started to move. _"I can't believe this! ARIZONAAAA!"

"wohoooo!"_ My face lightened up the moment I saw Arizona's really happy face. She was really enjoying that. We stayed on the roller coaster an hour, or something like that… that's what it seemed, but it's okay, Arizona was happy! When we got out of there she only could laugh, she was laughing of me! Yes, I was ridiculous. _

"Yeah… keep making fun of me."_ I said, with a little smile on my face._

"You were hilarious there."

"A lot…"

"ahahahahah Yes you were! You should have seen your face! So funny! Let's look at the pictures!" _We went to see the pictures and Arizona was right… my face was funny. I was with my mouth open, screaming. I started to laugh too._

"Thank you, Callie!"

"You're welcome, love of mine." _I was sweet._

_The night was amazing, we had fun. We really had fun._

"I loved the day!" Arizona said, laying on the bed. "I love you."

"I love you more, you silly. I loved the day, all of it. You are amazing, I'm so lucky." Callie smiled as much as she could. "Today you made me forget about everything, something that hadn't happened for years. Thank you."

"Same to you! You cannot imagine, Callie! I was so happy there. You rock. I forgot about everything, I was a child today. We were! Do you remember when you fell?" She was laughing so much!

"Ahaha yes, I do! That was terrible! The look on that man's face!"

"He was terrified of us."

"Yes I know!"

"Arizona, stay here."

"I will."

"Thank you. Now, let's see the pictures we took." _We spent hours looking at the pictures, we took a lot! After all, we were there since 10a.m until the night! It was so fun! I discovered that Arizona can't take pictures… they suck. All of them! But… at least we have a picture of a fat guy, who I don't know who it is, but doesn't matter… thanks to her! If I could I would do it all over again I would. We have a picture of us posing like we're models, so funny! We have some making silly faces and one picture which is my favorite, we're both laughing. It's perfect! _

_When I got to the living room Arizona had left. Why? Where was she? I saw a paper on the floor, I grabbed it. _

**I've been trying to talk to you, wifie. You haven't showed up on the hospital. I want to talk to you about our marriage. –Alex.**

_No! What did Arizona think? Oh no! I grabbed my phone and called her. I called her 13 times, she didn't answer! What was happening? Where was she? No way! I can't lose Arizona! I left her a message on voice mail. _**Arizona, talk to me! I don't know what you thought but Alex wants to talk to me because I asked him the divorce and he won't sign the fucking papers. I need you Arizona. Please answer me. **_She wasn't picking up! I have to go find her! I ran the block, the whole city that's what it seemed, and no Arizona! I spend the night looking for her, and nothing! I need to find her. Tomorrow I will search on the hospital, with her friends over there. _

_I fell asleep calling Arizona._

**PLEASE ARIZONA, TALK TO ME!**_ I left her like 213324 messages, until her box was full. It was already 12p.m and no Arizona. I'm going to the hospital! She has to be there! She has to be on the hospital. She needs to. She has to. She is! I know she is._

_"Arizona! Arizonaaaaaa!" I started to scream when I saw Arizona on the hospital entrance talking to Alex! She was talking to Alex! "Arizona, please."_

_She looked into my eyes. I was standing on the other side of the road now. I started to scream to Arizona. _

"I just want to start by letting you know this, because of you, my life has a purpose. A few months ago, I wished that no one looked at me. I wished that I hadn't born, because I hated myself so much. I cried everyday for 5 years. I tried to kill myself a lot of times, because I didn't wanted to live. I cut myself so many times, I had open scars on my wrists every week. I had my heart broken for so long. I was about to give up on me, on my life. I was about to give up on my career, because I couldn't be a doctor like that. I needed a light, I needed a reason to live. You gave me a reason to live, Arizona. You gave me a reason to everything I do. You gave me my life back. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here, because my wrists were tired of that. You helped me to be who I am today. I love you, beautiful. I need you like my body needs blood. You can start counting how much I love you because you will never end. Thank you, Arizona. You made my life better, you actually really made my life. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. No matter what we do, because the sun will always shine for us, because we are beautiful, no matter what they say. I see myself in every word you say. Words can't bring us down. I love you baby." _I started to walk in her direction. _"Please, Arizona. You are everything to me." As I finished my sentence I just saw Arizona screaming and all the doctors holding her. I started to see Arizona in another way. I saw her less and less. I couldn't fell my body. I remember closing my eyes, I remember the highway under my face.


	7. Chapter 7

**Callie's Point of View **

_I can't open my eyes, yet. But I can hear everything. Mark, he's so worried! And Arizona… omg, Arizona! I miss you. I miss your smile, your face! I can't talk to her… I need to! I need to, come on! I was so selfish. I'm so worried about her. She has cancer! She. Has. Cancer. MY Arizona is sick. I need her to be okay. At least she forgave me! She understood! Now I just want to open my eyes and tell her how everything will be okay. Tell her how much I love her. Tell her that everything's going to be okay, that she'll be okay, because I'm here for her. Being able to listen her beautiful voice and not being able to see her face or reply… it kills me. ARIZONA! I try to speak but my mouth keeps closed and my eyes on the same position. I can feel her right here with me. She has told me she painted her nails with blue! And she also painted mine… with pink! I need my girlfriend. I need to hold her and tell her that I'm here for her! SHE HAS A FUCKING CANCER! I can't believe it yet. I wish this was a lie. I wish I was really here. I wish Arizona had me here. I love the way Arizona is, she's perfect! I need to hold her, I need to save her from the world. I need the world to save her. I need Her. How long will I stay like this? I want you to keep telling me things, Arizona! I really want to, but I can't tell her. It seems like she heard me! I can hear her cry and talking at the same time. She's talking to me. __**Callie, I need you to wake up, baby. My days are awful without you. I hope you can hear me. I need to tell you Callie… I love you. I really do. I love you**__**like I've never loved anyone. This is huge. I need you Callie, I need you like my body needs blood, too. You gave my life a purpose too. Callie, love, I need you! Please, wake up for me. You have no idea how happy I was when you told me all of that and how much I ran to catch you, but those jerks held me. I wanted to be there with you, because I want to do everything with you! Good or bad. Great or awful. You are so perfect, Calliope. You are perfect to my eyes. I was giving up on everything, you didn't let me! Because you held me so strongly and now you're here and doctors don't let me hold you. Please Callie, wake up. **__She finished, she is crying even more now. She is with her head on my arm. I can feel her tears. I can feel her pulse. I can feel Arizona! If I could send her a sign. I'm trying to move my finger with all my strength but I can't. I keep making all I can. Until the machines start to making sounds, and now Arizona is not over me anymore, she's screaming on the hallway. She's screaming for every doctor she sees. My doctor is here now, and he has stabled me now. I'm stable. __**That was a sign! You can hear me. Omg Callie! Thank you! **__I felt a kiss on my lips. Definitely Arizona! I know her lips. I know that was her. My beautiful Arizona. I LOVE YOU. I need to think what I am going to do now. The only thing I know I will do is stay here for my girlfriend. She will be cancer free and we'll live happily ever and after. I hope so. I need to sleep now, Arizona fell asleep. _And so did Callie.

Callie woke up. She made the biggest and truest smile she had ever made. She could see Arizona! She saw Arizona's beautiful face when she woke up! "Arizona!"

"Omg, CALLIE! Baby!" She started to cry and hugging me.

"Hey, I heard every word you said. I didn't know you love me. I love you till the universe. The Universe and you. I'm in heaven, you're heaven, Arizona! I missed you so much. I was desperate. I could only listen to your voice, your beautiful voice. Thank you for talking to me. And thank you for being here for me, but I'm the one who will stay here for you! I need you. I will take care of you my love. I love you."

"I love you more."

"That's humanly impossible, but I'll agree."

Arizona was crying of joy. She kissed Callie.

_I'm just about to be discharged and I haven't seen Arizona for what? Two days? Where has she been? I'm not allowed to use cell phones while I'm the hospital… but I want to talk to her. Am I on the same situation again? She wouldn't leave me… she wouldn't leave! Where's Arizona? Where is she? Come on! What happened with her? I need to talk with someone around here. ALEX! That jerk, i bet it was something he did! I'm pressing the button but I can't see a nurse here… what the hell? I kept pressing it until a nurse showed up. _

"Have you seen Arizona?"

"No, miss."

"And…can you call Dr. Karev, please?"

"Of course, just a second."

She left the room. _I hope that that bastard shows up. What the hell did he say to my girlfriend?_

"Alex! Alex, what did you say to Arizona?"

"Hi Callie."

"Answer me! What did you say to her? You jerk!"

"She asked me if we were still married and I told her that we were. And she asked me if you were a lesbian and I said that you're not."

"What the hell, Alex? You freak, what the hell did you say to my GIRFRIEND? Tell me the truth." Callie was screaming.

"That's the truth, except the last part, she didn't ask, I said. And what the hell, calls? She's your girlfriend now? We're married!"

"You peace of crap, we're not married, I want the divorce papers signed today or I'll tell everyone that you're gay, and I'll tell them why you married me. And I'll tell everyone who you cheated me with! I will! And I want to know where's Arizona!"

"About that I don't know… I didn't talk to her like that, okay? She slapped me and left!"

"She did what?" _Omg, Arizona slapped Alex! She rocks!_

"yeah, that's right."

"You deserved. I will come to you as soon as I'm discharged from the hospital, which is today! Now, you better get going before I slap you too."

Alex left. Callie wanted to get out of there as soon as she could, so she called Mark.

"Mark, please discharge me!"

"Fine, I'll do it. How are you?"

"I'm terrible! I don't know where's Arizona and i haven't talked with her for two days! I need to see and talk to her! Do you know where she is?"

"Wel… not that much. I just saw her leaving chief's office the other day, that was the last time I saw her."

"Chief's office? Well…get your ass out of here and make me get out of this stupid hospital!"

"Okay… so bossy." Mark left and a nurse came in, he was fast! She was there to discharge Callie. She knew that nurse, that was one of the nurses Arizona had lunch with! _She handed me the paper so I could get out of there and left, I could only say thank you. Now, where's the chief? Where's Arizona? _

_I knocked. The chief didn't say anything so I came in. _

"I didn't say you could come in!" His face was mad.

"I'm sorry, but it's urgent." _I said, as I looked around and saw a beautiful girl there, who could she be? _

"April, you start working tomorrow! Don't be late, the kids need you!" And that redhead left.

_The kids? Who is she? A peds girl? _"Is she here to replace Arizona?"

"Yes. I had to."

"Whatever. I need to know where's Arizona, please." She had a mad voice.

"You don't know? She's working in another hospital now."

"Since when?!"

"Yesterday, she's working there since yesterday."

"What hospital? Where?"

"It's a little bit far, you know… she went to Europe. She's in Italy." _OMG! Arizona went to Italy! No way she did that! I ran out of the office and kept running until home. I'm going to Italy! I opened the door and I saw a little paper on the floor. _

**_I realized how much I love you and I realized that a while ago, but is it worth it? _**

**_You'll have to live with me and listen to me everyday, and than I'll get worse and I won't want you to see me like that. I left before you call me girlfriend._**

**_I'm working far away now, you'll never have to think about me again! I can work here, they want me!_**

**_You'll always be my baby. You'll always be mine. _**

**_Arizona._**


	8. Chapter 8

_I could see that the paper was wet… she was crying when she wrote it! _

_Arizona was crying. Just imagining Arizona crying made my heart stop. And you decided that a little too late, because it's totally worth it and… I've called you girlfriend! What the hell happened to her? Why would she do this to me? Why would she leave me now? I just came out of the hospital, she should be here to welcome me home, she should be here. Arizona should be with me, like I should be with her. Why didn't she leave earlier? Why now? Why would she leave now? I would have gone with her to Italy if she wanted to… I would do anything. She needs me, I know she does. She needs and she loves me, otherwise she wouldn't have stayed in the hospital and she wouldn't definitely have said those things she said, she loves me. She needs me. _Callie kept thinking that to support her idea. _She was crying when she wrote the note, that means she didn't want to leave. She wants me to be happy with someone else and just let her Not do the surgery she needs? She will do the surgery because I will go there and force her to. I will always be hers! I need to go after her! _Callie got up from the couch, cleaned up her tears and went straight to her bedroom and grabbed a purse, she putted there her passport and money. Also her phone and other things. One thing she couldn't left behind, Arizona's note. _It's done. _She realized that she might also need to put there some clothes, so she grabbed the first pair of t-shirts she saw. _Now it's done. I need to hurry up, I need to get closer to Arizona and understand her, this is huge, she said me! Why would she do this? No way! _

She's been awake for so many days and haven't taken off that pink nail polish, that must mean something! She took about five minutes to get ready and she was already leaving. Where was she going? _Alex! The papers. Chief! The hospital. I left the apartment and ran until Alex's house, which was about two blocks away. I kicked the door so hard that the neighbors came outside to see if everything was okay. Alex came right the way. He was shocked._

"Give me the papers now!" _I yelled. _

"Like…now? I haven't signed them."

"Alex! I told you to! I don't care Alex, give me that now! Where is it?" Callie came in his house and started to search for the papers, it wasn't hard. She picked the pen and putted it on Alex's hand. "Sign!" He set on that white table, a really bad table. Old and dusty. But also ugly. His apartment was ugly. Even uglier now.

"Fine, I'll do it."

"I know you will! Now!"

_Alex signed. He did! FINALLY! That jerk signed. I have the papers signed finally. I took the papers from his hands and left without saying a word. Like a boss, which I, Calliope Torres, am! I started to cry. This is not from a Boss. I am not a boss, I suck. I'm a stupid person, what should I do? Should I really go after Arizona? Of course I do! I should stop thinking. Arizona is really far right now, and all I got from her was a letter. She's really far. If something happens I will not be able to go there and be there… My baby girl. My blondie. My gorgeous eyes. My love. My star. My everything._

_I need to go to the hospital now, I need to know in which hospital she is! Or I can just call there…No one answered. _

Callie called the hospital ten times, until she realized that no one was going to answer. She started to freak out. _Stop. Just stop. Think. What should I do now? Go to the hospital? But what if the chief doesn't tell me? What should I do? _Callie was pondering everything right now. She decided to go to the hospital, someone had to be there, probably a person that could tell her where Arizona was.

Callie caught a cab.

"Is the chief here?" She asked the nurse.

"I don't think so, but you can look."

"Okay, thank you Martha."

The office was empty, no signs of the chief, so Callie kept looking for him around the hospital. Until she got to a closed door, a door with the sign PRIVATE AREA, DO NOT COME IN what could that be? She heard some noise there. Callie knocked and came in.

_Omg! I just looked the other way around, because I didn't want to look at their faces. I didn't want to._ ''I'm so sorry.'' _Now I found the chief._

"This is not what you're thinking." April said. _Of course not…_

"I just came here to know in which hospital my girlfriend is working."

"I don't know, Callie." The chief answered with his mad face.

"Please!"

"I really don't know." He was getting upset, with no clothes on and looking at me.

"Okay, thank you. Now get back to whatever you were doing with each other."

And she left. Callie was shocked with that, with what she had just seen, she was shocked with the image of the chief laying there in that floor. With April over him! A child. She's like a child. The floor was full of dust. They were full of boxes around them. _Never mind_.

I left the hospital in a hurry. I don't care if I don't know in which hospital she is, I just need to go to Italy and search for her. I need her. I need her like hell.


	9. Chapter 9

Callie caught the first flight to Italy.

_I am on the way to see my beautiful Arizona. I'm going to see her. I am going to see Arizona! I need to see her face, I need to look at her face. I need to feel her and hug her and kiss her. I need to kiss her. I need her._

_I spent the whole flight crying. I was crying because I was too desperate. I am too desperate. The man beside me borrowed me his lap top so I could search for the hospitals with pediatrics in Italy. There are a lot… I will have to search in every one of them. There are 52 with peds._

_ I will find her. _

The first thing she did when she arrived at the airport was buying a map from Italy and circle all the hospitals. She set down on the coffee table and started to think_… I can go to 5 hospitals per day, right? I mean… if they're near to each other. If not I will go to 4. I don't care, I can stay here for ages, I will find her. _Callie decided which hospital she was heading to and caught a cab. Italian was hard to understand, but the city was beautiful. She was imagining her with Arizona running near the river with her hands holding each others, they had the biggest smiles on their faces, they were happy… but that wasn't the truth. Italy was a beautiful city for them to live. The man that was driving the cab said that they were almost there and told her how much it would cost. That was when Callie realized that she needed to exchange her money for euros. She told the man to stop in a bank before, and he did. Callie saw Arizona in every blond she passed by, she was getting insane. She paid the man and went to the first hospital. She ran inside and saw Arizona! _That is Arizona, my Arizona! _She ran into her and hugged her from behind. She putted her hands over her eyes and said ''Guess who''. The blond took her hands off and turned around, looking eye to eye. _I can't believe it. _Callie started to cry, she had just seen Arizona… how could she have turned into another woman? That woman standing in front of her. How? "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." She answered, smiling. At least she'd been nice to Callie.

She went to the entry and asked for Arizona Robbins. "There's no Arizona Robbins in this hospital." This was the answer she got from the 6 hospitals she visited today. No Arizona. She was tired now and she needed to find a place to sleep tonight.

That place was awful but it was okay to spend the night. The night she didn't sleep. The night she spent looking at the clock. The night she kept on thinking about Arizona and imagining them laying there together on that old bed, full of dust. That love, that passion that keeps moving her. The only thing she lives for. The night just like all the other nights for the next two weeks. She woke up at 7am, after sleeping an hour and a half. She got up and went straight to the next hospital she was heading to, eating a sandwich on her way. It seemed like she was late because she spent the day running hospital to hospital, literally running. _I feel like I'm getting closer to her. Arizona is closer. _Two weeks passed and no Arizona. Callie was about to give up. _But why the hell would I give up? My life is with her. If she's here I will find her because we are meant to be. _Callie was thinking about giving up because she hadn't find Arizona and she had already searched in 49 hospitals… where could Arizona be? But at the same time she didn't give up, because if she gave up what would she do with her life? **She only had Arizona.**

_I can't go back to this, I can't. I want to kill myself right now. I need to be safe, I can't do stupid things. But if I died now who the hell would care? Nobody. Nobody would care if I died. No one knows me here and the people that know me wouldn't care either. I grabbed a knife and perforated my skin until I felt nothing more, no more pain._

_ I woke up at the hospital. _

_What am I doing here? I can only hear people talking around me but I can't understand them. I saw that more thanhalf of myarm hasbandages. It hurts. It was supposed to be just the wrist. Did I pretended to kill myself? Did I want to die? What happened to my life? It's the third time I end up in the hospital this year, I need to stop. I need to stop hurting myself, because the next time I do it and if it's not in a coffee shop I'll have no one to save me. I'll die. I will die forever. I know if I go, I'll die unhappy. __**Nothing scares me anymore, that scares me.**__ I try to be happy and what comes out is unhappiness. I try to find my love and I end up at the hospital. Twice. I suck. I really should die now… I will never find Arizona in this huge country. Fuck it all, I'm done. I pulled the wires that give me oxygen and the machine fell on the ground. I leaned and pressed the button to turn it off. I could hear a continuous sound, and than I heard a scream. Who could have screamed that way? The only thing I know is that I felt oxygen coming into my nose again. _

_I've been here in this house, I've been here before. I know this place. This is Arizona's place. I can feel that wooden floor underneath my feet. I can see that jar of beautiful flowers on the top of that wooden table when you get in the house. Arizona likes old furniture. I can see that card I once gave her to thank her for the night. I can see everything, like it was real. I can see her face right in front of mine. I can feel her lips. I can feel the warmth that comes out from her body. I can feel the cold sheets. I can feel. I don't want to wake up because this is perfect. This Is what I wanted my reality to be, my life. My life next to her. I can imagine us dancing everyday and those days least happy we could just cuddle in bed. I can imagine so much but none of this is real. I just wish and I just dream. I just dream about her. I started to fall asleep on my dream and waking up on the hospital. I'm waking up and holding her, holding this gorgeous of mine. We're holding each other. I think she's sleeping. Oh, she's sleeping…how cute. _

_Wait… who's sleeping? Who's holding me? _


	10. Chapter 10

_She's not sleeping because I can feel my arm up, holt by her hand. She's looking at it. She's looking at my band aids, my wrists, my arm. She's looking at the way I'm hurt, how brutal it is. She's looking at my future scars with my old scars popping out. I'm hurt, this hurts. I start to put it down slowly against my belly, against my body._

"Why did you do this, Calliope_?" I could hear her say. She's talking to herself so I don't answer. But I could hear that person's voice, I did hear it. It was a voice that I knew, a voice that I know. That honey, sweet and wonderfully hypnotizing voice. I could recognize it anywhere, anytime. That voice with that hair, that blond hair that I can see through my shoulder. It's her, it's my baby girl. Why did I do this, you ask? I should let her know that I'm awake, that I'm alive. It's the second time I see us in this situation, same people, same perspective. _

"I had to." _I said her. I didn't move but I could feel her body moving, the body that was full of energy now. She grabbed my both arms and putted them down, down on the bed. My arms were stuck on the bed by her hands. She was on top of me, holding me really tight, until she said_ "You didn't. You didn't have to."

"How could you know? You left me Arizona! You left me without saying a word to me, you didn't care. You left me and you know what? I called you girlfriend before you leave. I've never loved anyone like I love you, but I'm not worth it, right? I'm not worth it so you left." _Arizona was crying now. My arms were still in the same position, tuck by Arizona's hands. She was trying to talk, I could see that. She wasn't succeeding because I couldn't hear anything; until she said me_ "I'm sorry Callie. I'm so sorry. I love you more than anything in this world, you have no idea! I left because I don't want you to see me getting worse and worse and losing everything. I don't! I left you a note! A note-"

"A note? Do you think this is enough?" _I said, pulling the note from my pocket, my jeans' pocket, from those jeans on the chair; interrupting Arizona's speech._

"I know it's not but I couldn't say goodbye, I couldn't ruin your life. I needed to come here, it's the only place where I have a job." _She was really sorry, I could see that in her voice and her face… those blue eyes full of tears, tears falling on her face, past her checks they fall to the ground, in this case, my face._ "And why are you here now?"

"I'm here because since the day I left the hospital I went looking for you and I couldn't believe when I saw the note… I cried a lot, Arizona. I cried because that moment I thought you didn't love me. But the paper was wet babe, you were crying when you wrote it. I decided to come for you, so I asked the chief where you were but he only knew you were in Italy. So I came and I've searched in forty nine hospitals for you. But I was getting insane, I knew that I would find you but for weeks I didn't… And I'm almost officially divorced. I want you to see the papers signed first. You were mean Arizona." She grabbed my hand and was looking at those brutal injuries.

"And why did you do this?"

"I've told you, I had to." _She wasn't happy with that so I had to continue._ "You know how I hate myself, how I know that the world would be better of without me. You know it. And you were the only person that could make me feel otherwise. I was alone. I was alone again, with no one caring. And no one that would search for me if I died here. But that felt so good… The pain feels good. It's the only thing I feel. I'm sorry but it's true. And I went really deep because as deeper as I went, more pain I would feel and more probably I would die. I don't know if I was trying to kill myself but actually I wouldn't care if I did."

_Arizona gave me a really sorry and really shocked face. She was crying._

"I'm so sorry, Callie." _She leaned to give me a kiss._ _I felt her lips kissing mine slowly but… _"What's the problem, baby?" _She was looking at me._ "I promise you that I will never ever do something like this again. I swear. I can't live without you. I can't leave you, Callie. And you will promise me you will never cut yourself again, because it might feel good but you can't do it. I know about it. And I love you. I care about you. You were the only thing on my mind the past few weeks. I just love you. I will stay with you till the end." _She knows about it? What does she mean? Does she… _"I will stay with you till the end. Babe, if the world didn't have you… it didn't have me either right now. You're the purpose of my life. Please let me stay with you."

"You weren't there when I needed."


	11. Chapter 11

_Why did I say that? Why the hell did I say that? But it's true… I know it's true. She wasn't there when I needed the most, because I was hit by a car. I was hit by a car because of her… I was hit by a car! I was hit and she wasn't there to welcome me home, she wasn't there to make me dinner, she wasn't there at all. If she wasn't there than how can I know that she'll be there when I need in the future? But I love her… I came here to search for her. No! I can't resist._

"I know I wasn't, Callie. And I'm really, really sorry that you had to go through that alone. But I wanted you to be happy and happy isn't with me; because I'm stupid. And I have cancer. I have cancer, babe. You don't want to stay and watch me getting worse… I don't want you to see that – that's why." _She said me, crying like hell._ "I bail."

"Arizona, if I was with you it was because I wanted, right? I'm not happy. I'm not a happy person, but you can make me happy. You're the only one that can make me happy. But… how can I know you'll be there next time I need? And you bail? You can't bail. You don't."_ I'm not crying, that's awesome! _"And about cancer? I don't care Arizona, I knew you had it when I was with you! And you'll do the damn surgery, you hear me?" _I was screaming now._ "You'll do it. Promise me!"

"I promise."

"Now leave."

_Arizona was crying and soaping and crying… but she did. She left. My baby left. I don't feel safe anymore. I don't feel the warmth of her body around mine. I don't feel her. I don't feel her at all._

_The machines are far away from me now, she made them put it like that, so I don't try anything else to hurt myself. Why not? Why not kill myself for once? Do it right, without someone to rescue me. Why can't I? _

_I fell asleep over that thoughts. _

_My night was crazy, according to the nurse. I screamed and apparently the only person that calmed me down was Dr. Robbins… That's right, she works here! But… how did she know how to _calm me down_ and put me back to sleep? Did she have to do it when she was at home? Did I do this a lot? Poor Arizona. But how did she do it anyway? Was she here all night with me? Probably yes because I look outside my room by those big windows that leave us to the hall, and there she is. Arizona's still here. I looked the other way because I didn't know how to face her, how to talk to her, if I should smile or not._

_"When am I being discharged?" I asked._

_"Tonight. Or maybe tomorrow. It all depends of you."_

_"Hum, okay. Thank you." I smiled at her, trying to show Arizona how happy I was… even if I was faking."Can you thank Dr. Robbins for me, please?"_

_"Okay, I will." And the nurse left, leaving my file on the bed. What they don't know is that I'm a doctor too. I can read their files. I only understand words that are very similar to mine because Italian is hard! I grabbed it and started to read._

_" It says that you need psychological treatment and says that your cut was really deep, like… 9 layers of skin." Arizona said me. 9 layers? What did I do? It will take a long time to heal. _

_She starts to walk in my direction. "Why didn't you thank me personally? Her big blue eyes were looking into mine now. "Not that you need to thank." _

_"Because I can't get up, first. Second… I didn't want to. But thank you."_

_"Callie…come live with me here, my apartment is near the hospital, we can go there soon." She's asking me to move in with her? Should I? I don't think so. I will probably just kiss her there and than I won't show her how mad I am. She was planning on spending her life alone and now she asks me to move in?_

_"My hotel is very comfy, don't worry." I was rude, I know, but it was a great way to say no. _

_This coffee shop has a great view. It's really good, actually. I can see Arizona most of the time, because from here I can see her getting into the hospital. I can also see the peds office… where she spends a lot of time and she can't see me! The coffee shop's owner already knows me, I'm here everyday. Unfortunately I can't speak Italian like Arizona does. But it's kind of funny to watch him talking in English…trying to. It seems like I'm really happy and I'm not. I'm actually not. I'm never that happy. I can see Arizona everyday but I can't touch her, I can't say her that I love her. I can't and I can't. _I just want to CAN._ But it was me… I'm so stupid. _

_My arm is less hurt. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to. That was a stupid idea, a stupid moment, like so many other. What's worst? I want to try again, I want TO REAPEAT IT, EVERYDAY. But I don't. Because now Arizona's here. I mean, there._

_And there she is… I can see her blond hair bouncing right to left and left to right. She's so cute. But as fast as she appears, she disappears. _

_It's time to go home now. Hotel. It's time to go._

_The hotel room is pretty. It has a really big bed for two, with pink sheets, soft ones. I layed there, trying not to think, only dream. If I think something bad will happen. Let's just dream._

_And I dreamed. _

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

The next day was just like all the other ones before. Callie went straight to the coffee shop really early like she has been doing for this days, just to see Arizona in the morning. And there she was, again. Eating the same thing she ate the day before. Same table. Same view. Same everything. And there was Arizona, on the café on the other side of the road. There she is, waiting for her latte. When she gets it she gives the lady from the café a big smile and leaves to the hospital, which is the door next to it.

_As she arrives at the hospital, another doctor starts talking to her. I can't hear it but Arizona doesn't seem happy. What could be happening? I can only see Arizona starting to cry. MY HEART STOPPED. She was crying and screaming to the other woman, while she laughs at her. What's happening? Arizona raises her hand to punch the other one but she grabs her hand before she could slap her or even touch her. That's it? You're hurting my woman? I got up from the chair and ran until them. I slapped the other woman. Just because Arizona couldn't._

"Are you touching my woman?" I said.

"I am what? And…" She started to laugh. "She's your woman? Ahahahah So you're a lesbian, too? Great! And I was thinking Dr. Robbins was single."

"Shut up you jerk. You're not allowed to make fun of MY GIRLFRIEND. You hear me?"

_The other woman was screaming and laughing at Arizona but I couldn't understand their Italian. I was just freaking out. _

"You! Yu just shut up. Shut. Up. Shut the hell up because you're voice is really annoying. And your English? God! It seems you're talking to dogs or something. You are a jerk. You're a jerk. You're jealous of Arizona, you're jealous of her. You're jealous because she's beautiful and you look terrible. Your hair looks like you didn't wash it for the last month. I don't know but you just shut up. She has someone who cares about her. And you think I don't know your secrets? I've been sitting here and staring at the hospital for weeks. I know it. And if you want me to shut up about that just shut up, too. You really don't want to upset me. Just shut up. Turn around and never look at us again." _She just left running. A lot of people was staring now. Arizona was all proud._

"Us?" _She said._

"There's no you. There's no me. There's just us." _She was staring at me. I just holt her against my body so tight and so strongly, my lips kissed hers like I haven't in months. She kissed me back with every passion she had inside her. We match. We're perfect for each other._

"Don't leave me now, don't say goodbye. Don't turn around! "_Arizona screamed._

"Don't worry, honey."


End file.
